Put litter in its place

Fellow 1970s kids, you have to get the new Rifftrax short, "Litter Monster." Not only did you probably see it when you were a kid, but the riffs are, as always, hilarious.

"Striped shirts: In the '70s, they were the LAW!"

The most Seventies scene of the 1970s

I lived through every day of the 1970s and relived many of them when co-authoring "Whatever Happened to Pudding Pops?" Therefore I think I am uniquely qualified to offer up this as THE most '70s scene ever.

Bionic Bigfoot (Andre the Giant!) fights the Six Million Dollar Man. Spoiler: STEVE RIPS HIS ARM OFF!

Best "In Search Of..." episodes

We all loved Leonard Nimoy as Spock, but in all the discussion of that wonderful character, one of his other classic roles has been forgotten. It's hard to find a 1970s kid who doesn't have fond, freaky memories of "In Search Of...", and Nimoy's straightforward, Spock-logical narration was a huge part of it.

Now we know that this show was often a TV version of "The Weekly World News," and its pre-show disclaimer tried to cover itself, admitting that it was based on "theory and conjecture," and "the producers' purpose is to suggest some possible explanations, but not necessarily the only ones."

Here's a look at some of my favorite episodes.

The Bermuda Triangle, first season
Just the idea that our planet had thee mysterious places that could never be explained was both terrifying and fascinating for a kid who'd maybe never left their own hometown.

Bigfoot, first season
Oh yes. He could've been this show's mascot. Completely made up, yet with enough delightful sightings and fuzzy photographs to keep the myth alive.

Killer Bees, first season
Oh, this terrified us. Spotting any bee became akin to seeing your executioner after we watched this one.

Atlantis, first season
It seemed like one day we might even be able to vacation there, playing basketball with the Sea-Monkeys and dunking on Aquaman.

The Lost Dutchman Mine, second season
A supposed lost gold mine in Arizona or Mexico or maybe just made up, but the idea that when we grew up, we might just be able to dig a hole and get rich was a kid's American dream.

Michael Rockefeller, second season
Disappearing people are fascinating, Disappearing zillionaires even more so. Disappearing zillionaires who may have been eaten by cannibals? Score!

The Great Lakes Triangle, third season
Because the Bermuda Triangle was just too darn far away.

The Money Pit Mystery, third season
I feel like this one ran every other week, and we ate it up. It told the tale of supposed buried treasure in a pit in Canada, and every group who went digging for it ended up giving up. Blackbeard's treasure? Marie Antoinette's jewels? There's probably nothing there, but damn, the chase was enticing.

The Lost Colony of Roanoke, fourth season
"Where did they go?" mysteries are always intriguing. See also: The Mary Celeste, numerous other found-sailing-without-crew stories as told in cheesy Scholastic paperbacks.This one is America's first, and the one-word clue CROATOAN makes it even juicier.

The Abominable Snowman, fourth season
If Bigfoot is this show's mascot, the Yeti is his understudy. We kids of the '70s totally believed in these big guys.

Jimmy Hoffa, fifth season
The END ZONE. He's in the END ZONE.

MIAs, sixth season
Were there still Vietnam vets being held prisoner, a la "Rambo"? One of the saddest and most disturbing episodes of a show that usually was much easier to snark at.

The Elephant Man, sixth season
Even if you thought you were funny-looking, hated your braces or glasses or a dumb birthmark, you had nothin' on John Merrick

Houdini's Secrets, sixth season
Houdini had it all for a show like this. Dazzling escape-artist magic, worldwide fame, an abrupt and early death, the whole thing about telling his wife Bess he'd try to talk to her from the beyond. We could only hope that one day, in our lifetime, there'd be another Houdini. (David Copperfield/Blaine, you guys do not count.)

Home sweet 1968

If I had $1.2 million and a huge desire to pretend to be Carol Brady, I would buy this house in my neighborhood and pretend it's still 1968, the year it was built. 

NOTHING INSIDE HAS CHANGED. What a time capsule! The red velvety bathroom wallpaper! The gold velvety bathroom wallpaper! The bar! The curvy fireplace! The intercom! The bidet! The indoor BBQ! And is that a RECORD PLAYER built into the wall in the kitchen, of all places? They should shoot "Mad Men" here.

Every home I lived in with my parents had a built-in bar. Neither of the ones Rob and I bought had one. My folks even had a framed placemat with drink recipes for drinks like the Singapore Sling and the Pink Squirrel hanging behind one of the bars. (Says my friend Kim: "Like Sally Draper's Cheat Sheet!") Ladies and gentlemen, America's GI generation... Look, if you're going to be asked to storm Normandy/shoot down kamikazes (now a drink name...IRONY!) at Okinawa, you're going to develop a high alcohol tolerance.

My dad could make any drink in the world, and from a college job as a butcher (and, uh, a stint in the Marines during WWII) could carve up an entire cow. He would have been a good man to have around during a zombie apocalypse, it just now occurs to me.

Dad, in September 1973, looking off into the middle distance, while his youngest daughter (me) and first grandchild (Erin) are fascinated by ... something. Eggs from the chickens? I can't tell...

Miss you, dad.

Sigmund, you are a rotten sea monster!

So apparently Amazon is remaking "Sigmund and the Sea Monsters" for a new generation. And I think I am in sync with all Gen Xers everywhere when I say, "WHATCHOO TALKIN' ABOUT, WILLIS?"

One cannot simply remake a Sid and Marty Krofft production. The charm of the Kroffts, the reason we're still talking about their shows today, is the innocent goofiness of the whole thing. The terrible costumes, the weak special effects, the canned laughter, the bad scripts. We loved it, but it was about the only thing on, and we also loved Twinkies and Sharkleberry Fin Kool-Aid too.

I love the reader comment on io9 that suggests:

"What we need is for someone to take the concept of Land of the Lost and redo it in a completely serious way with good special effects for the Sleestak. God I still remember the pylons that had the crystals in it that could control the weather. Then to find out the Sleestak had an evolutionary regression to become the mindless beings they were, when they used to be incredibly intelligent. That stuff blew my little mind way back then."

Speaking of Scooby...

Speaking of Scooby, I saw this on one of my favorite Twitter feeds, Old School Ads (follow them if you're not already!) and couldn't resist it. I think as a kid it would've been a little freaky to see the cartoon characters next to the photos of the actors who voiced them. Like peeking behind the curtain in Oz...

Take it easy

1970s covers of Easy Riders motorcycle magazine. Dude, don't tell me these beautiful women actually dated the men pictured. It's like "According to Jim" times 10.

(Via Boing Boing)

Jane Street! Jones Street! PARK AVENUE!

Oh you guys came through big time! No WONDER I couldn't find my lost sign song...it wasn't on "Sesame Street" after all, but on "Electric Company," which I adored as a kid. (Still seems more like a "Sesame" skit to me...I don't remember EC doing that many like this.)

It's awesome! I even remember the hippie bearded cabbie throwing up his hands, all "what can ya do?" I'm definitely going to have to show this to Kelly. And then at the end, the show plays it again with no vocals, and you're supposed to sing along. Is it OK to admit that I did just that? Hooooome sweeeet hooooome!

THANKS!

No parking! Tow away zone!

Man, how can "Sesame Street" have more than 400 videos online and I remain unable to find the one that goes through my head whenever I see certain street signs?

It's just a montage of city street signs and the lyrics go something like: "No left turn! No right turn! What do you do? Gas! Car wash! Subway! Don't walk! No parking! Tow away zone!" and it ends with "Home sweet home."

I know at least one other person remembers this, because I found it mentioned online. But can anyone dig up the video?

Since I can't find that, I'll link to this 1972 classic that I saw mentioned on Twitter today. A loaf of bread, a container of milk, and a stick of butter! Oh, for those days when kids could run off to the neighborhood store by themselves.

Darryl's Seventies Book

Darryll Sherman is a nice guy on the other side of Washington state from me who occasionally comments here (hi, Darryll!)

He sent me a copy of his book about his childhood in the 1970s and all the pop culture that surrounded him forever ago and I'm finally getting around to linking it here. The title couldn't be simpler: My Seventies Book.

I probably shouldn't admit it, but sometimes I'm sad that I'll never get to go back and live another day in the '70s or '80s, not even one.

Awaiting "Connect Four: The Movie"

I posted that "Stretch Armstrong" was going to be a 2011 movie, and people on my Facebook page were all over it, suggesting movies based on Weebles, Lip Smackers, Etch-a-Sketch and more.

But we thought we were being FUNNY.

Turns out that Peter Berg is on board for "Battleship: The Movie" in July 2011, and it's just part of a deal with Hasbro in which "Clue," "Candyland," and "Ouija" will ALL BECOME MOVIES.

Oh man, they better use the "You sank my battleship!" line.

I actually just watched my niece and her boyfriend play electronic Battleship, It is very different from the cheapie of my youth...it actually talks and makes shooting sounds. She tells me they once had a version with a squirt gun, and with each turn, you rotate it to point at the other player. If their ship gets sunk, they get squirted.

This movie plot may be a streeeeeeeetch

You heard it here first: "Stretch Armstrong" is going to be a big-screen movie in 2011.

Yes, those dolls that trained you to be either a masseuse or a medieval torturer, that no one could resist pricking with a pen to see just what kind of sticky, cornstarchy gloop was actually inside. I always wanted to give it a real test, like tie it between two cars or something, but was never quite that bold.

I kinda think this character already hit both the small and big screen with Plastic-Man and the mom from "The Incredibles," but what do I know? I love seeing bits of my childhood resurrected and Hollywood knows it.

Kidding around

I always assumed the kids' shows of my childhood (hello, Bugaloos? Banana Splits?) were the weirdest of all time, but this slideshow shows that they've been pretty weird every decade.

However, someone at Boston.com should have checked their facts. ANITA Bizarre? The Bugaloos villain was BENITA Bizarre.

Our adventures are the best by far / here on Gilligan's star...er, planet!

Now, if Boomerang can rerun "Banana Splits," why can't it pick up "Gilligan's Planet"?

Seriously, what kid of the 1970s wouldn't TiVo this, even though we may not remember watching it the first time around. And based on the credits, it features most if not all (no Tina Louise?) of the original actors voicing their now-cartoon characters!

King of the parks

So back in the 1970s, it wasn't Disneyland or Disney World that got the most theme park attention on TV...it was a Cincinnati park called Kings Island.

The "Brady Bunch" went there, supposedly on a work assignment for Mike's job. And dumbhead Jan somehow lost his blueprints in her quest for a Yogi Bear poster, like, Jan had to be 14 at that point and there is no way she was getting a poster of anyone other than David Cassidy or some such. And Greg, always the horndog, fell for Madge (Madge? was she a 55-year-old waitress?), who worked at a game of some type, and he ended up having to wear a costume and mosey around the park. As you do.

Kings Island was also seen in a "Partridge Family" episode. Now I would think it would have been easier for these L.A.-based productions to just go to one of the giant local theme parks, but apparently they were just dying to get to Cincinnati. Apparently, Paramount eventually bought Kings Island (they've since sold it), and they produced "The Brady Bunch," so there's some kind of synergy there.

If you watch the "Banana Splits", (and who doesn't? it's rerunning on Boomerang!) you think you see Kings Island again. The credits show the Banana Splits goofing it up at a theme park widely believed to be Kings Island.

But according to the "Banana Splits" Wikipedia entry linked above, the first season shot scenes at Six Flags Over Texas, the second season shot at a different Cincinnati Park, Coney Island.

Says the entry: "Contrary to popular misconception, the amusement park scenes in the original series were not filmed at Kings Island, also in Cincinnati, Ohio, which did not open until 1972. (Filming for The Banana Splits Adventure Hour wrapped in 1969.) However, some of the rides seen in the series eventually were relocated to Kings Island (following a flood which led to the closing of Coney Island; the park later reopened on a smaller scale) and the live-action scenes in the 1972 production The Banana Splits In Hocus Pocus Park were indeed filmed at Kings Island in Cincinnati."

So there you have it, folks. By the way, the lion in the "Banana Splits," Drooper? Voiced by Allan Melvin, a.k.a. Sam the Butcher on "The Brady Bunch" and Archie's pal Barney on "All in the Family." Classic.

1970s decorating on a budget

I say I miss the 1970s just about once a week, but then I look at remnants of that decade and think "Hmm, maybe I don't really miss it as much as I think."

Do not do not do NOT miss the chair shaped like a giant mouth with teeth. Yeah, that won't traumatize the kids. No wonder our generation is so alienated.

Play-Doh Oddkins

I sure don't remember these, from 1972: Play-Doh Oddkins, kind of a Mr. Potato Head of the Play-Doh world. Apparently they sold these little plastic facial parts and you made a Play-Doh monster and stuck the parts into it.

I can't help but wonder what those two little blonde girls on the second box are doing today.

My stickers can't repel fun of that magnitude!

There's something about these "Star Wars" stickers that I just love.

If you collected any kind of bubble-gum stickers in the 1970s (I had "Charlie's Angels"), one glance at this sticker sheet will make you smile and flash back...you'll remember that they had action shots as well as the kind of posed glamour shots with the bright backgrounds, and when all lined up and turned upside down, they made a picture. So awesome.

Harvey Korman made us -- and himself -- laugh

My MSNBC.com tribute to Harvey Korman.

His death made me go hunting for "The Carol Burnett Show" on DVD. While it doesn't look like you can buy whole seasons, there are a lot of individual tapes and sets to choose from.

Rob and I will obviously need to invest in some for those days when we're reciting lines from the show ("Mrs. Uh-Wiggins!" "Mr. Tudball!" "Ah saw it in the winder and jest couldn't resist.") and Kelly and her little pals are staring at us like we're from the moon. Not the moon, kid, just from the '70s. It wasn't a bad place, really, and some pretty cool and funny people kept us company there. Wish you could have known them all.

Oh, Sally J., where have you gone?

I love Jezebel's Friday recap of a YA book from our childhood, and this week's book is Judy Blume's "Starring Sally J. Friedman as Herself." LOVED this book. LOVED.

Although I am Catholic, the details of life in a Jewish household, with Yiddish-speaking Ma Fanny as your grandma, were just wonderful. So rich, so easy to visualize. I remember to this day that Sally learned to spit whenever she said Hitler's name, and I have often wanted to do the same thing, for Hitler and a few other horrible people.

"Sally J." was also unusual for a YA book in that it dealt with the Holocaust as something that had freshly happened and was still being discovered in regular American households. Sally's cousin Lila and Tante Rose were gassed in Auschwitz, and naturally, that occupies a large spot of Sally's mind. She goes as far to imagine that her neighbor is Hitler. I used to ask my mom what it was like in the U.S. when the word of the camps came out after the war. It seems so impossible that they weren't known about. I used to be so frustrated by the idea that they went on for years and ordinary citizens the world over just went on living.

According to numerous sources in the Jezebel piece, Judy Blume has called "Sally J." her most autobiographical book. I wonder if she too wanted to be Esther Williams, and had a fascination with Margaret O'Brien. So many kids of the 1970s had their minds opened to pop culture of the 1940s thanks to this book.