Supposed real calls to the Butterball turkey hotline, as vetted by Snopes.
"Butterball turkey experts still talk about the Kentucky woman who called in 1993 to ask how to get her dog out of her turkey. It seems the woman's Chihuahua had dived into the bird's cavity and become trapped there. The woman tried pulling the pooch and shaking the bird, all to no avail. A Butterball economist finally suggested the woman carefully cut the opening in the turkey wider to release the captive canine."
Uh, if your dog is small enough to fit inside your turkey, perhaps you should get a larger dog.
I also like this one: "Then there was the young mother who failed to notice her children playing near the oven-ready bird. The kids decided the turkey's cavity was a good place to park toy cars. Their mom didn't discover Ol' Tom was doubling as a garage until after the turkey had been roasted."
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Incidentally, your Test Pattern on weird foods was linked to on Fark.com and was a big hit.
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