Jezebel found a terrific RetroJunk video of Jem giving preachy After School Special-like advice.
Don't steal that cassette tape, the Holograms suck anyway! Don't take your dad's pills, they're really Viagra! Don't tell your mom someone else ripped your ugly burlap sack dress she made you, tell her you ripped it yourself because it's just hideous!
Jem, Jem, she's truly outrageous.