A few examples:
"Alabama. Oh, look! It's the school for girls who don't let their black maids use the indoor toilet!"
"Oregon. Ooooh, LOOGIT US! We're Oregon! No offense gets to the line of scrimmage and then turns the ball over as quickly as we do!"
"Nebraska. Welcome to the Big Ten! I think you Cornhusker fans will fit right in to a second-tier conference that plays unbearably slow, mistake-filled football, a conference that has no prayer of ever regaining its past glory. Really, you should have been here ages ago."
"TCU. Oh hey, you won the Rose Bowl last season! Oh hey, guess what? That game didn't actually mean anything because there was no playoff and no one gives a shit. I'M VERY EXCITED FOR YOUR NEXT PYRRHIC VICTORY."
"Georgia. When you need to go canoeing and be raped in the butt, there's no place like Georgia."
Damn, Drew Magary is hilarious. I'm going to have to buy his new novel, "The Postmortal."
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