Saturday, January 26, 2008

Therrrrre she is

A few years ago I had a Miss America party, and I've thought of making it an annual thing, but either I've been busy when the pageant has aired, or the pageant has aired on a Monday night or some goofy thing like that -- not exactly party central station.

It's back on a Saturday this year, but I just hosted book club last night, and even I wasn't ready for two parties in a row. So I'm sitting here watching it while Miss Kelly snoozes in her bouncy chair.

I know it's uncool to like beauty pageants at all (and at my party, we had a blast mocking the entire thing), but I kind of do like Miss America. And I think they've completely wrecked it now. This year they had a reality show where the contestants all lived in a house together and competed on teams (I must say, the Miss America standards are still pretty high...those girls were way brighter and classier than the numbskulls on, say, "Crowned.")

Anyway, they just had a scene where the slimy host was holding up a tray of cream puffs on stage and yelling "Carbohydrates! Carbohydrates!" and urging the contestants to eat the treats, and they were. And now one of the contestants, in a skimpy black bikini trimmed with what looks like gold lame, is stalking down the runway, all Tyra Banks-fierce.

It just seems so...stupid and unclassy.

And in between the segments, they show tiny clips of the vintage pageants, and I just want to make them stop showing this year's pageant and run an entire vintage pageant, one with glamorous gowns and hair piled high, non-revealing bathing suits and those wonderful goofy talents, like baton twirling. Now that, I would watch. You can order videos of past pageants (for $50 per!), but I really wish some channel would just show them for free.

Update: My best friend Lisa called as I was watching, knowing that I would be, and we watched the pageant together even though we are 3,000 miles apart. And guess what showed up?

A baton twirler.

5 comments:

TheRealTimShady said...

Amen, sister!

As a 20-year local and state level volunteer, I get all nostalgic about the way things used to be.

And I agree with you 100% that the public would watch a true pageant.

For the record, the local pageants and the state finals here in Georgia are mostly still very "old school."

Emily said...

I would totally watch The Pageant Channel. Especially if they would make marathons of awesome talents of yore.

floretbroccoli said...

Yeah, but the baton twirler was ELIMINATED before she got to perform her routine!!! Sitting up there with the other finalists, ELIMINATED!!

The guy with the carbohydrates took pity on her (and us) and let her do a tiny bit of her routine, at least.

Anonymous said...

I was there in Vegas at Planet Hollywood that day. It was just a bizarrely cheesy day all around.

Anonymous said...

How could you not like a pageant that had a talking head of Miss Virginia (a ballet dancer) claiming her greatest talent was putting her foot behind her head and touching her nose with her tongue? AND THEN SHE TRIED TO DO IT.